Recently Father Balash spoke about the desert in his homily. As he talked of the desert being filled with things that bite and burn and sting I could not help but feel that this is exactly where I am right now – in the desert. The sting of death has burned a hole in my heart and I wonder if it will ever be full again. I find myself withdrawing inward much like Jesus withdrew to the desert to enjoy quiet time with God.
The more I reflect on Jesus praying in the desert and my
current journey in the desert of my heart, I am gaining a new awareness of the
power of prayer. I have spent a lifetime
turning to God but none of what I have experienced holds a candle to how I have
clung to God these past several months as I watched my beautiful mother as she
lay dying. I cannot find words to
describe the inner peace that comes when one surrenders all that they are to
God.
Father Balash described the desert also as a place of life,
for in the coolness of evening, desert flowers bloom and creatures come out of
their hiding, no longer in fear of the blistering sun. It made me think of my little Christmas
cactus, a gift given to me years ago by a student. While that cactus has not bloomed every
Christmas, I remember how it bloomed the year my son and daughter-in-law were
expecting their first child and low and behold, that cactus bloomed this
year. It was a vivid reminder to me that
life goes on. Those beautiful pink
flowers reminded me that the life which awaits us is so much more than what we
have experienced here on earth.
Father reminded me that I am not alone in this desert . . .
Jesus paved the way for me . . . Jesus went there first, and he stands right
alongside me as the hole in my heart is filled with visions of everlasting
life. When I vision my beautiful mother
in the arms of the holy one I realize there is no sting in death after all.
#jesusopenedthegates #heisalive #iamforgiven
Shalom,
Tina
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