Broken

Have you ever felt broken in life or spread so thin that you don’t really know where you belong?  These feelings have been overwhelming me a little bit lately as I struggle with balancing full time work and family life.  As I type this, it kind of makes me feel a little bit ashamed because I have been so blessed throughout my life.  When I think of single mothers who work full time and struggle to put food on the table, I feel like a whimpering child and pray that God gives me the strength to snap out of it!!

When I take an honest look at the course of my life, I see a clear pattern of always trying to find balance between my desire to do for others and my desire to care for my own family.  I love my husband and children fiercely but if I am to be completely honest with myself, I realize that I put them on the back burner most of the time.  This fills me with such shame.  During this season of lent, it is this sin that I lay at the foot of the cross.

Lent is a time to search inward and see what patterns in our life draw us away from God.  This is a struggle for me because while I feel I serve God by serving others, I am equally neglecting those whom should come first in my life.  While one draws me toward God, the other pulls me away from God.  Have you ever felt this pull?  Please pray for me as I come to terms with patterns of selfishness and pride which put my need for serving others before serving my husband and children.  Today is my daughter’s 17^th birthday and I have filled it working in the morning, traveling to Cleveland to be with Brian and working in the evening.  I have heard it said that the best gift we can give someone is the gift of our presence.  While I prepared her birthday meal yesterday, today, I could not give her the smallest gift my presence.

You know, one song that keeps coming on the radio that I really need to hear is “Broken Together.”  It speaks of how while we are not perfect, the only way to get through life is being “broken together.”  It helps me cling on to hope that my family will love me in my brokenness – that they will know my love for them even when I am too busy to be present to them.  God I hope they know my love for them!

I pray that “God will help our broken hearts align.”

I pray that whatever pain you may be going through, that “healing may be spoken.”

Shalom,

Tina