His Presence

Oh – I have spent the past six Mondays “Awakening my Faith” with the most incredible group of people! As our time came to a close last evening, we listened to “The Eyes and Hands of Christ” by Tom Kendzia, and I commented how much they have been Christ’s presence to me over these past six weeks.  Being with others who share my love of Jesus Christ and hearing how they live out their baptismal promises was truly inspiring to me.  It got me thinking about how each of us make Christ present in the world through our acts of kindness and love toward each other.  This inspired me to write a little note to someone who has made Christ’s presence known to me. 

I often talk about “God’s time” and “little pockets of grace.”  After writing my note, I opened my email to find my daily 3 Minute Retreat from Loyola Press.  Alas – the topic of reflection this day is “We Are Christ’s Presence!”  God is always watching out for me!  I want to share with you part of the retreat reflection and I encourage you to visit Loyola Press.com to experience the 3 Minute Retreat (You can use the direct link provided on the News/Events Page of the St. William Champion website- http://www.stwilliamchampion.org/news-events.html)

These words affirm my experience of Christ and His Church.  I not only find myself describing our Holy Mass in much these same words, I find that I need to be broken open in order to make room for Christ to enter here!  I find myself being poured out as I struggle with being “the Body of Christ.”  This indeed is not easy work; no, it “is not passive.” As we enter into the Holy Triduum I am reminded how the physical body of Christ endured so much for me!  I am reminded how his hands took nails for me.  Knowing that makes it possible for me to reach my hand out to others.

I pray that you take time to celebrate these three holy days and remember that Christ has no body now but yours!

Shalom,

Tina

Sealed with The Spirit

On February 28 our youngest son was sealed by the spirit along with nine others young men and women of the church from St. William and young men and women of the church from St. Mary, Warren; St. Joseph, Mantua; St. Brendan, Youngstown; Our Lady of the Holy Rosary, Lowellville and St. Edward, Youngstown.

 

Nathan McCue affirming his faith
with his sponsor and Bishop Murray
2/28/16 at St. Columba Cathedral

As a sponsor for one of our young ladies, I was lucky enough to have a front row seat which enabled me to witness everyone one of these young men and women being sealed with the spirit.  It was a beautiful gift to be able to witness Bishop Murry signing their foreheads and shaking their hands to congratulate them for making this commitment to their faith.  As I watched each of these members of the young church approach the Bishop I could not help but wonder what God has in store for them as we sung out “Veni Sacte Spiritus” . . .Come Holy Spirit!  I can’t wait to see how they will continue to grow in faith and learn to become adult members of the church.

Now, I know I have shared with you before how I love the rituals of the Catholic Church!  The sights and sounds and smell!  I have to admit that I kind of freaked my son out a little bit because I kept smelling his forehead.  Even as I write these words I tear up and am covered with a chill that can only be the presence of the spirit with me!  This reminds me how we humans need tangible signs of God’s presence in our lives.  There is something about the smell of the chrism oil that brings me a sense of complete peace.  When I ponder that Christ himself was anointed with sacred oil I feel such a connection to him.  I am reminded that he loved me so much he became one of us.

The day after Confirmation, our Awakening Faith group gathered to explore the question, “Do I Really Need the Spirit?”  Oh – God’s timing that this session would fall the day after my sweet son was confirmed as: Nathan Charles Wolfgang!  Do I need the Spirit . . . A resounding YES!  One of the questions was “what powers you the most?”  Well, besides coffee, the first thing that came to my mind was the gift of working with the young church.  I am filled with wonder and awe as I watch young men and women come into ownership of their faith.  

This feeling was further affirmed for me yesterday as I listened to three previously confirmed young adults of St. William address the newly confirmed.  They shared what their faith has come to mean to them and how serving the church has brought them closer to God and brings them such joy in knowing that by answering God’s call, they are giving thanks to Him for the many gifts they have received.  

To quote Chandler,

     “God knows and loves us always, even when we do something wrong or let him down.  We are constantly showered in unconditional love.  Being involved in ministry makes me feel like I’m giving back for that love. We are all imperfect human beings, but we are also strong-willed and capable.  If we honor God for the sake of honoring him, we have already received every reward that matters in this life.  So I encourage you, give it a shot. Try anything, even if it’s just singing a little louder at Church on Sunday (and believe me, I’d appreciate that, too) or helping clean up the Church after a holiday.  Give a little back to the guy who gave us all.

     I hope that in my brief talk, you found something to relate to and take with you as you start your journey in the Church as adults.  I wish all of you the best of luck, love, and happiness.”

Thank you Olivia, Noah and Chandler for showing us the face of Christ!

May each of us be inspired by the challenge to “just give it a shot” and awaken our faith to serve our good and merciful God!

Shalom,

Tina

Broken

Have you ever felt broken in life or spread so thin that you don’t really know where you belong?  These feelings have been overwhelming me a little bit lately as I struggle with balancing full time work and family life.  As I type this, it kind of makes me feel a little bit ashamed because I have been so blessed throughout my life.  When I think of single mothers who work full time and struggle to put food on the table, I feel like a whimpering child and pray that God gives me the strength to snap out of it!!

When I take an honest look at the course of my life, I see a clear pattern of always trying to find balance between my desire to do for others and my desire to care for my own family.  I love my husband and children fiercely but if I am to be completely honest with myself, I realize that I put them on the back burner most of the time.  This fills me with such shame.  During this season of lent, it is this sin that I lay at the foot of the cross.

Lent is a time to search inward and see what patterns in our life draw us away from God.  This is a struggle for me because while I feel I serve God by serving others, I am equally neglecting those whom should come first in my life.  While one draws me toward God, the other pulls me away from God.  Have you ever felt this pull?  Please pray for me as I come to terms with patterns of selfishness and pride which put my need for serving others before serving my husband and children.  Today is my daughter’s 17^th birthday and I have filled it working in the morning, traveling to Cleveland to be with Brian and working in the evening.  I have heard it said that the best gift we can give someone is the gift of our presence.  While I prepared her birthday meal yesterday, today, I could not give her the smallest gift my presence.

You know, one song that keeps coming on the radio that I really need to hear is “Broken Together.”  It speaks of how while we are not perfect, the only way to get through life is being “broken together.”  It helps me cling on to hope that my family will love me in my brokenness – that they will know my love for them even when I am too busy to be present to them.  God I hope they know my love for them!

I pray that “God will help our broken hearts align.”

I pray that whatever pain you may be going through, that “healing may be spoken.”

Shalom,

Tina

One thing Catholics know how to do well is RITUAL!  Light the candle . . . burn the incense . . . dim the lights . . . center oneself . . . focus on prayer . . . I LOVE IT!   I walk into the sanctuary sometimes and just stop and breathe in the scent of the room and declare to myself . . . oh, I love being Catholic!

As you know, being Catholic is more than signs and ritual . . . it embodies Christ’s call to go out to the world and be his hands and feet.  One of my personal rituals has been turning the calendar.  Now, the past two years I have not honored this ritual, and it is something that I need to honor once again.  Oh, I would spend so much time choosing the calendar that we would use for the year – and interestingly enough, I have found that the themes I have chosen have indicated a maturity in myself.  When our children were little, I chose fun calendars . . . then switched to country folk art.  In my 40’s the themes were more about me – herbs, coffee, wine, psalms.  My 2015 and 2016 calendars have been the St. William Parish calendar.  As my mom lay dying, I just could not bring myself to purchase a calendar.  I did not want to face filling up those little squares without her.

Once the perfect calendar was chosen, I would carve out time to fill in the new calendar ~ often with a candle lit and a fresh cup of coffee or a nice Pinot in hand.  The first thing I would fill in is all the family birthdates, dates of death, Baptism, anniversary dates and as I wrote each name, I would think of them and smile as I wrote the age they would be turning.  Then I would tackle the events for each month – school – church – work – personal.  As I looked back upon the year, I would marvel on how we accomplished everything!  As I looked upon the nice clean squares waiting to be filled I would wonder what excitement would await us in this new year and I would look forward to those summer months when a few squares would be gloriously BLANK and think – oh – I am going to lay in the sun with a good book on that day!

I have saved most of the calendars over the past 31 years of married life.  It is fun to get them out sometimes for they mark the changes in our lives. Those little squares tell a story of how we choose to live.  For God tells us through scripture “where your treasure is, there shall your heart be also.”  I think the same hold true of the yearly calendar, for our yearly calendar certainly reflects a pattern of lives dedicated to God.

In this Year of Mercy, let us all try to fill our calendar with moments of sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick and imprisoned, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked and giving drink to the thirsty.  Let us remember every day to be the hands and feet of Christ.

Shalom,

Tina

Baptism

On this feast of the Baptism of our Lord, I can’t help but think of the baptism of my own children.  Yesterday, January 8, is the Baptism Day of our first born, Joshua.  It also happens to be our daughter-in-law’s birthday!  I wish I could have transported myself to North Carolina to celebrate Ashley’s 30^th birthday and Joshua’s 27^th Baptism day.

When our children were little, I tried to remember to do a little something extra on their Baptism day and I am sad to report that I have not held on to that tradition.  I am going to try harder this year to be sure to celebrate this important day in the life of my children.  I make it a point to transfer those dates year after year on the new calendar, but I have failed to properly celebrate the day that they became a member of God’s church. 

I could not wait to bring my children to the waters of baptism.  At the time when Joshua and Katherine were baptized, St. William only offered baptism after Mass, one Sunday a month.  When Deacon Harvey and Fr. Mike began to offer for children to be baptized during Mass we jumped at the opportunity because for us, this was a communal celebration.  I still get goose bumps when I close my eyes and remember my Anna, Elizabeth and Nathan being blessed by parishioners.  Anna was blessed by Joe Owens who was near to 100 years old at the time of her baptism!  Oh my goodness, I got so choked up!  I love to watch the faces of parents as they stand at the altar watching Father carry their child around the church for our blessings because I remember that incredibly powerful moment.  I will forever cherish gazing upon the faces of Josh and Ashley as they watched their first born, Addison, being blessed by our parish family!

Think about the awesome gift of Baptism – the opportunity to be wiped clean – to be claimed, by the sign of the cross, as a child for Christ, regardless of the age of a person when they are baptized.  As baptized Christians, we are each claimed for Christ “not because of any righteous deeds we had done
but because of his mercy, He saved us through the bath of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit”

Titus 3:5.

Scripture assures us that we are not only washed clean by the waters of baptism, but sealed by the fire of Holy Spirit, “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” Luke 3:16b As Catholics we celebrate this gift through the Sacrament of Confirmation.  Let us keep in our prayers the eleven young people of our parish who will be sealed the Spirit in February.  One of these young people is our youngest son, Nathan!  Being the youngest of five children, witnessing Nathan receive each of the sacraments has been especially meaningful to me, but that story is for another day . . .

For now, let us imagine that the words our Father spoke as His Son was baptized were also spoken on the day of our baptism . . .

“You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”

                                                                                                            Luke 3:22b

Shalom,

Tina

Memories of Christmas 2014

Luke tells us that Mary “kept all these things in her heart.  And Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and favor before God and man.” Luke 2:52  I have been pondering this scripture verse quite a bit these past few days as I have been sorting through my memories of the past year ~ the first year of living without my mother on this earthly side of heaven.  This blog has been a vehicle through which I have been able to sort through my grief and I want you to know how thankful I am for the opportunity to share my thoughts concerning faith and spirituality, for this is the only lens through which I know how to view life.  As I have shared with you in the past, life experience is one of the ways in which we advance in wisdom and age.  With my Dad’s permission, I share with you some very intimate moments from the Christmas of 2014 because I know that many of you who will read this loved Rosie too!  If you are struggling through life, perhaps our experience can help you find favor with God.

December 19 and December 20 ~  My Mom was bound and determined despite her weakened state to have the Frazzini Italian Christmas feast of the 7 fishes in her home as it had been celebrated since her parents bought the home.  Sadly, I missed the celebration because I was celebrating with the McCue family.  I did have the honor though of playing “elf” for my Mom and chose cards for her to give her siblings, her nephews, her husband, her children.  I sat with her and watched her struggle with all of her might as she wrote what she knew would be her final words to her siblings.  Oh to watch that love and determination in her – what a gift it was to witness that love.  My sister, Roseann helped her with Dad’s and our sibling cards.  She asked Roseann to apply lipstick on her and she left her kiss on the card for Dad ~ such sweet love.

December 21 ~ I came home to find Mom in a more weakened state.  It soon became very clear to me that Mom may not make it to Christmas.  The next couple days are kind of a blur to me. 

December 23 ~ I remember leaving her home late one night to get my own Christmas shopping done, but to this day I have no idea what I purchased for my children.  I remember calling their lifelong friend, Father Zamary, to ask if he could concelebrate and give the homily at her funeral Mass.  I remember that I called my sister in New York and told her not to wait – she better get back as soon as possible. 

December 24 ~ I know that I tended my own little family on Christmas Eve, but I don’t remember what food I prepared.  I know that I sang at Mass.  I know that all I wanted to do was sit at her bedside. 

December 25 ~ I know that I hated the sound of the machine that we had to use to suction her.  I know that I stood by her side most of Christmas day using that damn machine.  We took turns massaging her lungs.  She insisted that we open Christmas gifts.  I still see the haunted look in her eye when she asked me to get everyone to hurry to open those gifts and I remember praying that God would just let her hold on – she would not want to leave us on this day – this day when love came down from heaven.

Now my sister, Roseann is the one who lives in New York and I have always referred to her as our “mystic.”  She puts together a prayer table that would shame the Vatican and she always thinks of everything!  She converted old home movies to DVD and we sat and watched those with Mom.    It brought such joy to all of us.  My brother, John, wrote a song for her and created a music video.  What a tribute!  We sang Christmas Carols– oh how she loved Christmas Carols!  Roseann wrote a beautiful poem to Mom and Dad and bought them a star – it is actually two stars that orbit around each other and she named it “Eternal Love.” 

December 26 ~ she looked at me with sad eyes and said no more machines.  I put it under the bed.

I called her siblings.  We broke out the hospice package.  I prayed to God that I could get ahold of a priest.  Dear Father McCarthy said he would stop by on his way home from visiting his family.  I prayed that it would not be too late.  It wasn’t – he came and we prayed around her.  It was so incredibly beautiful.  She was able to receive Eucharist – the bread that gave her life.  The family decided to bring in a hospice nurse.  I remember that she tried to get everyone to leave the room – I wasn’t very nice to her.  My mother wanted to be surrounded by all of us and that is the way it was going to be.  We did clear most people out of the room for a little while to eat, which gave me and my sisters some quiet time with Mom.  I felt the presence of my grandparents and my mom’s oldest brother.  We cleared away from the spot where I felt them.  Mom kept putting her hand out to that spot as if to hold their hand.  I started singing and as family started to come back upstairs, they joined in one by one.  It was the most precious moment.  Mom loved to hear us all sing and most of us felt it was great gift to her.  I remember kissing her feet and her hands.  I remember how every one of us took turns telling her what we would remember most about her – I sat and watched this and ponder it in my heart to this day – the look of love on her face.  She could not talk too much by this point but her eyes spoke volumes.  Then it was Dad’s turn and she was able to say that she loved him.  They had the sweetest kiss and embrace and in that moment her soul danced to heaven.

Father Conoboy heard our message from earlier in the day and despite the late hour just came over not knowing that she had just passed.  He blessed her earthly remains and prayed with us.  Everyone’s experience of her death will be different than mine; but looking at it through the eyes of faith, I cling to the words my Uncle spoke when he came to the house to say goodbye – “death where is thou sting.”  She looked beautiful and at peace and as my niece, daughter and I moved her earthly remains from the bed to the gurney I could not help but sing “Go forth Christian Soul.”  I kissed her sweet face and shrouded her; then we escorted her out and sang Amazing Grace as they took her away.

I thank you for allowing me to share these moments with you.  Throughout those last few months I called them “pockets of grace.”  When we face life’s most difficult challenges, it helps to find pockets of grace ~ moments that God provides to remind us that He is near.  If you ever feel as if God has abandoned you ~ please remember to look inward and find him ~ for He is there within you and within others that He sends to surround you with His love.  Thank you for surrounding me with the love of God!

Shalom,

Tina

Lighting the Candle of Love

As I write this, I am sitting at my mother-in-law’s home, waiting for our Christmas festivities to begin.  God blessed me with two beautiful Roses – my mom and Brian’s mom.  I always called them both the Christmas Rose because they both celebrate the season with such joy!  As I light the candle of love this week, I will be filled with thanksgiving that God chose these two beautiful ladies to mentor me and show me how a Catholic Christian woman should live her life ~ with the unconditional love of God.

It is not always easy to find joy in life, is it?  It is a choice that must be made.  I could choose to sit here in sadness that this is the tenth Christmas that the McCue’s will celebrate without our beloved Charlie and the first Christmas that the Makosky’s will celebrate without our beloved Rose.  On the other hand, I could choose to sit here filled with joy and celebrate the many blessings that God has bestowed upon me and my family.  I choose joy as I relish in the love so freely given me!

As the celebration of our Lord’s birth fast approaches, it may not be easy to remember the reason that we bake and shop and prepare enormous feasts.  We are a people who love to celebrate!  My prayer for you as you rush about your day to accomplish all of these tasks is to remember the reason for the season – JESUS!  All of this celebrating culminates for me on Christmas Eve as we celebrate the moment that love touched down upon the earth once again!  Oh how I love to walk into the dimly lit church and watch it fill with families reunited to celebrate.  It always warms my heart to see people who I have not seen in a while ~ young adults home from college ~ young adults with their children coming home for Christmas!  I now am able to understand the joy in my Mom’s heart when we would all come to celebrate Mass together, for my heart swells when all of my children are home and we come to the table of the Lord to celebrate the most important meal we ever share together.  The love of family brings such joy.

One of my favorite Christmas memories is when Brian and I used to come back and celebrate our midnight Mass.  My parents would come and watch our children so that we could have this precious time together.  On the way home, we would be able to see all of the luminaries that different neighborhoods and churches display.  We would get home around 1:30am and just soak in the quiet of our busy house and my sainted parents would then drive home.  Once they moved to Campbell, this became more difficult and our tradition stopped, but oh how I love to think about those special times.

If you feel overwhelmed in the coming days, take a moment to close your eyes and think of your most favorite Christmas memory.  Allow that joy to fill your heart and strengthen you to carry on as you create what will become the memories of Christmas 2015.  I hope to share with you, with the permission of my siblings, my memories of Christmas 2014 . . .but that is for another day.

Remember to light your world with joy this week as we prepare to celebrate incarnate love!

                                                                 

Shalom,

Tina